Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
