What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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