Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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