I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
