Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
