you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
