Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
