My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize