I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
