What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
