Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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