Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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