we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How does one acquire holy water?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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