Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
