I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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