They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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