I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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