hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
