I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
