from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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