Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
