I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
