Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
