just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
