I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
