do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
