I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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