My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
