8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
