It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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