i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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