i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
