I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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