umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
