If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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