i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
