I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
