is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
