she looked like the bat from fern gully.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
