can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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