I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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