Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
