Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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