so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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