would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
