What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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