i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
