You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
