I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
