last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
