all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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