My friends, they love my intelligence
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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