Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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