A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
