i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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