And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
