idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
