Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
