I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
