Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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