At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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