Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
