I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just found a bag of teeth...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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