Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
