i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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