belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
