She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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