The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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