I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's the barista slut.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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