there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
