you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
