OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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