Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Houston, we have a blender
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
