Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
