she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
