I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
