i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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