Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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